


Miracles in December

by QueenCow



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bad Parent Maryse Lightwood, Bad Parent Robert Lightwood, Cheesy, Childhood Friends, Christmas Presents, Fluff and Angst, Hurt Alec Lightwood, Hurt Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Lack of Communication, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, Memories, Misunderstandings, Mixtape, Supportive Isabelle Lightwood, The Author Regrets Nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-02
Updated: 2019-06-02
Packaged: 2020-04-06 07:08:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19057738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCow/pseuds/QueenCow
Summary: Five days before Christmas, Magnus receives a present.





	Miracles in December

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! Going through old stuff and posting randomly. 
> 
> Keeping the Freeform tradition of Halloween during Easter, I give you a Christmas fic in June. 
> 
> Since ao3 wont let me tag properly, this is full of pop love songs, cheesy and corny and cringy and beautiful. 
> 
> I wrote this as a part of a joint Christmas author fest thing back in december, I can't remember the name of it, or who hosted it. 
> 
> Beta'd by the wonderful Emily ❤
> 
> Hope you like it 😊

It was a cold December evening when the strange envelope arrived. Five days before Christmas, to be exact. The delivery guy, a tall, dark, and not very handsome man had delivered it with a bored frown on his face.

 

The envelope was thick and heavy, like it carried something important. At first, Magnus had thought it was delivered to the wrong address; but when he opened it, a small present  emerged, with his name on it. The card said not to open until Christmas, so Magnus waited.

 

He shook the present and there was no sound, so it wasn’t fragile. He inspected every corner of it, but there was nothing to show who had sent it. All his friends had refused, saying that it must be a secret admirer (good old Cat) or maybe a bomb (Raphael’s horrendous conclusion).

 

It was so strange. No one claimed to have sent it, yet there it was, tucked underneath his impromptu Christmas tree on his coffee table. His mind briefly went to Alexander, but he shook that idea away quickly. There was no way Alec had sent it.

 

His name brought a bitter taste into Magnus’s mouth, and embarrassment. The boy he had grown up with, fallen in love with, and had his heart broken by.

 

No, it definitely wasn’t Alec. He had just seen him a few days earlier at Isabelle and Simon’s wedding. A beautiful ceremony, with Alec walking her down the aisle and everyone crying when Simon sang his vows to her.

 

The reception, however, had been interesting. Jace had proposed to Clary, and the margarita’s had been exceptional. Not as good as his own, but very close. He exchanged a polite greeting with Alec,who was as awkward as Magnus remembered. And everything had just poured back in, all the feelings, and the pain.

 

Two years ago, Magnus believed that he and Alec were meant to be together. Today, Magnus believed that true love was a fantasy, a cruel idea planted into the minds of humans to torment them.

 

Love was not magical. It hurt. A lot.

 

Tossing his book away, Magnus got up to look at the present. With a quick glance at the clock, he saw that it was almost 11pm. And he wasn’t drunk yet.

 

This year would be no different. He’d pass out drunk around midnight, wake up to his friends the next day, open gifts with them and go party. Maybe find a lover for the night to get the itch off. It had been far too long since he got laid. What was her name, Cot? Bot? Maybe he could give her a call, she was always open to his advances, while firmly implying they were purely for entertainment. Which was exactly what Magnus needed and wanted. No strings attached.

 

With a sigh, he poured himself another glass of scotch and grabbed the present. He sat down on the couch and inspected it one last time.

 

“Merry Christmas,” he muttered to himself, as he set his glass down and began opening the present.

 

Another envelope appeared, along with an old looking mp3 player.

 

What in the world...

 

Then he recognised the writing.

 

No. It couldn’t be. He grabbed the earphones, plugged them in, and pressed play.

 

Instantly, the sound of guitar began, and Magnus grimaged. Backstreet Boys was one of his least favorite bands when he was a child. But only one other person knew that.

 

Magnus grabbed the letter and opened it. The handwriting was beautiful, almost artistic. There were song titles written on some of the papers, written with a red pen.

 

It was Alec’s handwriting.

  
  


_Merry Christmas!_

 

_This year, I didn’t know what to get you, so I decided to do something special._

 

_(My siblings don’t know about this and I hope they never do because I would never hear the end of it)_

 

_Anyway, I decided to take a risk and confess something. I’ve been lying to you for years. Before you get mad, I had a reason to keep this from you. I was scared._

 

_Remember when we were kids, and we’d make fun of all the cheesy pop songs that got popular? I remember you calling them ‘vomit inducing’ and me agreeing with ‘disgusting'. Not that Nickelback was any better, but we comforted ourselves with the fact that they played actual instruments instead of lip syncing every performance._

 

Magnus smiled to himself, partially horrified at the memory, but mostly wondering what the point to this was.

 

_The point of me digging up awkward memories is my confession. I get the songs now. I understand their meaning. And when I listen to them, I feel things. I feel emotions I never thought I could feel._

 

_To show you my point, I made you a mixtape, and I’m going to explain my feelings to you._

 

Magnus bit his lip, feeling warmth in his cheeks. Alec had always been able to make him blush.

 

_If you haven’t already, please play the songs._

 

_Shape of my Heart, Backstreet Boys_

 

_The purpose of this letter is simple. There’s a part of me that I’ve been hiding from you, and I want to show you what it is. The truth is, I’m a hopeless romantic guy, in love with a man that I don’t think I’ll ever have. Still, I want to tell him, even though he might reject me._

 

Who would ever reject tall, dark and beautiful Alexander Lightwood?

 

Oh.

 

_Tearing Up My Heart, N'SYNC_

 

_We met in kindergarten, and you’ve been my best friend since day one. I think I trusted you instantly, after you offered to eat the tomatoes when Mrs. Penhallow forced us to stay after lunch and didn’t allow us to go out and play unless we finished our food._

 

Magnus remembered this. Alec had eaten his broccoli instead, and they played on the swings that day. It was the start of Magnus and Alec; they were inseparable since that day.

 

_Our parents never really got along, but they tolerated each other because we were so close. You were the first friend I ever made. We were, and still are so different. I’m awkward, socially constipated and I never say what I want to say, while you know exactly what you want, and who you are. I think we complimented each other just enough to work as friends._

 

_More Than That, Backstreet Boys_

 

_Remember that time when you had just started college in California, and Camille cheated on you? You called me, and I dropped everything to go see you. We got drunk and watched Titanic._

 

The worst mistake Magnus had ever made was thinking Camille loved him. She only cared about herself. At least he got a degree in Psychology out of it. It was also the first time Alec had come to visit him.

 

_I never liked Camille. But you loved her, and your happiness was more important to me._

 

That Magnus knew very well. Camille often reprimanded him for talking about Alec, or when he made plans about calling Alec, she would do whatever she could to make sure it didn't happen.

 

_Then we spent spring break together, and I made the biggest mistake of my life. I regret it so much._

 

_When You’re Looking Like That, Westlife_

 

_We got pretty drunk that night, but I still remember every single detail. From the silk shirt you wore, to how I tossed it to the floor, from the way your cologne smelled to the way your skin tasted, to the way we just… fit together so perfectly. That night, you told me that you loved me, and I ran away. I got scared. I was a coward. I guess, in a way, I didn’t want to lose you, but I didn’t know how much I cared until a week later. I was avoiding you, and it's still the worst thing I have ever done. I didn’t know how much I hurt you, until I saw you at Clary’s art exhibition. I was hoping you’d be there, so I could explain it to you. You wore the same silk shirt, the same cologne, and those dark jeans you prefer when you’re trying to appeal to someone you like._

 

_Turn Back Time, AQUA_

 

_And it hit me how much I hurt you. And the way you looked at me that night, it told me that what I did was how it would be. I hurt you, and I walked away. So I ran. Again. We haven’t spoken since that night. It's been two years, and I still think about you every night._

Magnus almost put the letter down at that point. He did not need the reminder. They had slept together, and Alec had vanished when Magnus woke up. No note, no text, not even a phone call. At first, Magnus gave him time, thinking Alec had things to do, or maybe exams. By the third week, Alec had at least fifty texts and many missed calls from Magnus. So Magnus gave up.

 

At Clary’s art exhibition, Magnus was angry. So knowing that Alec would be there, Magnus made sure he looked his best, and sent Alec the biggest stink eye he could muster, while flirting with the first person who showed him interest. Nothing happened with the person, but it gave him a little satisfaction knowing that Alec had seen what he was missing.

 

That had been the last time he saw Alec until the wedding.

 

_When I saw you at Izzy’s wedding, I couldn’t believe it. I knew she had invited you, but I didn’t think you would show. Yet as I walked down the aisle to give Izzy away, there you were, third row, smiling so beautifully. And when we spoke at the reception, I was awkward and shy, and you had the same glow in your eyes as before. It gave me enough confidence to write this letter and send it to you._

 

_The truth is, when we made love, I wasn’t out. My parents didn’t know, and I wanted to keep it that way. I was afraid of their reaction, and I didn’t want you to face their wrath. I came out to them a week ago, the night after the Izzy’s wedding. They didn’t take it well. They kicked me out, cut me off completely. I hope they change their minds in the future, but right now, this is for the best._

 

_All I Have to Give, Backstreet Boys_

 

_I sleep on my sister’s couch, with 20 bucks to my name, I’m a college drop out but I’m here. I don't have a job yet, I have my siblings by my side, I’m planning on taking classes to become a chef, like I always wanted, I have almost everything I could ever want. Almost. I don’t have much, but all I want to do is give you what you gave me. Someone that’s always there, to take care of you, and to support you, and encourage you._

 

Magnus wiped his eyes, his tears flowing as he read.

 

_But If I Let You Go, Westlife_

 

_It’s probably too late, but I am so sorry for the way I acted. I was a coward, a jerk. I was selfish. And if I could take it all back, I would. But I can’t._

 

_But if I don’t try, I’ll never know. I’m restarting my entire life, openly and honestly, and I want to tell you the truth I’ve been denying myself. I’m gay, and I’m in love with you._

 

_If there’s a chance for us, I want to take it. I want to be with you. I want to love you, to treat you like you should be treated. I want to go on dates with you, I want to give you the world. I want to travel with you, I want to build a home and a family with you._

 

_This I Promise You, N'SYNC_

 

_I guess what I’m trying to say is, I think I’ve been in love with you from the day we met. And I think I’ll be in love with you until the day I die._

 

_If you give me a chance, I promise to never hurt you again. I promise to cherish you, and to adore you, because you are the one for me. I don’t think I can live without you._

 

_I don’t expect to hear from you. What I did was horrible, and I completely understand if you don’t want to see me again. If it’s too late for us, I’ll respect your decision. Your happiness is important to me. And if that happiness is without me, then so be it. But if you accept my apology and give me a chance, I’ll make it worth the effort._

 

_I'm so sorry, Magnus. For everything._

 

_I love you._

 

_Yours forever, Alexander._

 

As the last song played, Magnus wept.

 

It seemed so long ago that Magnus said goodbye to what he and Alec could have been. He told himself, and others, that he couldn’t even remember Alec. But in reality, he remembered every single moment of that night, and how it made him feel.

 

Magnus was a lover by nature; he cared endlessly about those important to him. But he was also fond of giving into pleasure when it was offered to him. One could say that Magnus turned to physical pleasure to escape his feelings, and he did so often. But it was only that, physical pleasure. No one ever got too close to his heart. Not like Alexander had, before breaking it, leaving Magnus in pieces.

 

It was kind of like that Celine Dion song. He made himself so strong, but it was all coming back.

 

It wasn’t a difficult choice, no matter what anyone said. He accepted it a long time ago. What Alec did was unforgivable. At first, Magnus had felt scared, that maybe he went too far by saying the things he said while they made love. Because that’s what they did. It hadn’t been casual sex, it had been so much more than that.

 

Magnus had thought Alec saw it as just sex, but in this letter, it proved that Magnus had been right all along. Alec was as in love with him as he was with Alec.

 

But to wait two years?

 

Magnus would have waited a lifetime.

 

So Magnus grabbed his phone.

 

\-----

 

“So what are you gonna do now?” Izzy asked, chewing on her pretzel. They were huddled up together on the couch in her apartment, watching a movie.

 

Alec sighed and shrugged. “Get a job?”

 

Izzy snorted. “You haven’t worked a day in your life.“

 

Alec nodded. She was right. Coming from a well respected family meant that Alec had the luxury that not many people had. Time to study, a roof over his head, his father's credit card that he only used when he needed to, free college tuition. But not anymore. Alec was at rock bottom. And he didn’t regret a thing. He could finally be himself.

 

“I spoke to Simon, and he says I can work at the bar until I figure something out,” Alec said, reaching for a pretzel.

 

“I’m so proud of you, big brother,” Izzy said after a moment of silence. It made Alec smile.

 

“Thank you,” Alec replied, ruffling her hair, to which she protested weakly. “I’m proud of you too. And thank you for letting me stay.”

 

“Of course, you’re always welcome here,” Izzy smiled warmly at him and held his hand. “You always took care of me while we were growing up, and now it's my turn to take care of you.”

 

Alec felt extremely comforted by that. The little sister he promised to protect no matter what had grown up into a confident and beautiful woman capable of fighting her own battles.

 

“What about Magnus?” Izzy asked.

 

“What about him?”

 

“Alec-”

 

Alec sighed heavily. It had now been weeks since he sent the letter. There were just a few hours left until midnight, but Alec was still nervous. He assumed that he wouldn’t hear from Magnus ever again, but… He still hoped. Hope was something he never felt before.

 

“I hurt him, Iz. Badly.”

 

“I know, but-”

 

“No. I’m giving him space. I’m not going to see him. I’ll only cause him pain,” Alec spoke softly, but clearly. Izzy watched him for a moment.

 

“What aren’t you telling me?”

 

Alec furrowed his eyebrows. “What?”

 

“You’re doing it again,” Izzy said excitedly, pointing at him. “You’re doing that squeaky voice thing you do when you’re hiding something!”

 

Alec was too tired to fight, so he sighed. “I may have… sent him a letter…”

 

Izzy squealed. “You did? What kind of letter?”

 

Alec opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by his phone ringing. A silent alarm went off in his head, and Izzy looked nervous.

 

His father had been calling him regularly, and Alec made the mistake of answering once, only to listen to his father curse at him some more. He hadn’t answered him since then.

 

With a deep breath, he picked up his phone, and sighed a breath of relief when it turned out to just be a text message.

 

From Magnus.  

 

Izzy gasped.

 

His hands shook. Was it an answer to his letter? Was it rejection?

 

“Iz,” he whined uncharacteristically.

 

Izzy scrambled for the phone, and Alec let her take it.

 

“He sent you a message? What was in the letter?” she asked.

 

“Everything. I explained everything, and I apologized. I told him…” Alec drifted off, covering his face.

 

Izzy squealed again, staring at the phone with a bright smile on her face.

 

“What?” Alec asked.

 

“He sent you a Youtube link,” Izzy said, looking at him.

 

Alec closed his eyes. “Is it good or bad?”

 

Izzy grinned and clicked something on the screen, and soon enough, Jessica Simpson squeaked her way through ‘I wanna love you forever’ to Izzy’s laughter.

 

It took a moment for it to register in Alec’s mind, but once it did, everything flipped.

 

Magnus was sending him a message through the song he had hated most when he was a teenager.

 

“He also sent a message. ‘I owe you an apology too. We have a lot to work out, but I’m willing to try’“ Izzy said in a high tone, and Alec flipped. He jumped up, yelled, and cheered.

 

\----

 

Magnus held the phone close to his heart, and smiled. Had he done the right thing? Maybe. Would he get hurt again? Possibly.

 

Alec was worth it. And to prove that point, he got a snapchat message from Izzy.

 

It was a video of Alec dancing around her apartment, screaming with joy.

 

Magnus grinned, and his heart fluttered.

 

As time passed, Magnus realised that Alec was in a bad place back then. He was trapped in a life he didn’t want, he told Magnus about it many times. So Magnus had been wrong to put so much pressure on Alec, to hate him so much.

 

Their night together was proof enough for knowing that Alec had feelings for him. Alec was a man of actions, not a man of words. And Magnus knew him well enough to read his expressions and know exactly what he was feeling. But Magnus had been so caught up in his own feelings and hopes, that he didn’t stop to think that even if Alec was feeling the same way he did, there was a lot more stopping him from acting on it. The hesitation hadn’t been because he lacked emotion, it was because he couldn’t be honest about them. 

 

This decision wasn't out of pity. It was to give Alec a second chance. Everyone deserved a second chance.

 

As long as Alec made peace with Catarina, who had comforted Magnus on the many occasions he had cried, and Ragnor, who had plotted Alec’s untimely demise, things would be fine.

 

They had a lot of work to do, but Magnus wanted this with his whole heart. And now, Alec was free to be whoever he wanted to be, openly and honestly.

 

Magnus didn’t need to get drunk tonight, not this Christmas. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t need to run from his feelings for Alec, he could embrace them and let them warm his heart instead of hurt it.

 

Magnus set the mp3 player next to him on the couch and stared at his phone, wondering what his next move would be, when a text message from Alec arrived.

 

_‘Can we meet?’_

 

Magnus bit his lip, grinning as he typed his response.

 

_‘Central Park, at midnight. I’ll be the one in the silk shirt’_

 

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I decided to go with Alec's parents being assholes because who knows? Maybe further down the line, they can make amends. 
> 
> Also, Magnus flirting at the party was purely to piss Alec off. We've all done it. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope I didn't offend anyone with this. 
> 
> Thank you for reading ❤


End file.
